Letter to Caitlyn J.

Dear Caitlyn,

I grew up with my dad being a fan of you when you were still an Olympic gold-medal winning decathlete. He was really surprised when you walked into the limelight and came out as a trans woman. Well, to be fair, everyone but you, of course, was surprised. I’m not writing this letter because of that though, but I hope the following paragraphs would serve as a contemplation not only to you but also to all and sundry.

Let me begin by saying that I admire your courage and your willpower especially in the special things that you have been through. You took hormone replacement therapies, you dealt with gender dysphoria and inevitably, you also received backlashes.  By declaring that you are a woman “for all intents and purposes”, I could refer this as a monumental moment for an individual in this world and I’m glad that I have witnessed it. You brought humanity closer to this world through awareness, audacity and acceptance and I couldn’t be more grateful to you about it. You just set everything on fire with this igniting flame of message that we should not hide in fear and shame but accept and love who we really are.

However, I’d like to be more serious and tackle some serious stuff here. We can all agree that you are a public figure and that you must be more thoughtful in what you say in the media. I’ve watched your interview with Diane Sawyer and I remember when you said that you are excited about hosting girl night parties in which you can talk about hair and make-up and different outfits. You also look forward to having your nail polish. Moreover, you also told BuzzFeed that “the hardest part about being a woman is figuring out what to wear.” As much as I want to share with you your excitement, I still think that your thoughts as extended to the public are troublesome since there are young girls and women who would consider your thoughts in transitioning, but instead of helping, it’s just adding confusion to their current confusion. Yeah, the previous sentence also confuses me. Let’s go back to what you said. Is the wardrobe selection really the gist of being a woman? Are we that shallow now? To be fair, maybe you’re still in the too-excited-to-understand-a-thing stage and you just want to be happy and explore since we already know your roots and that’s really fine but here’s the deal, Caitlyn, femininity and womanhood is much more than those things.

My mom has been through a lot for three 9 months because of us. A lot of mothers are also working abroad to sustain their everyday needs back in their native lands. A lot of women have dealt with the drama episodes of puberty, suffered from catcalling, perceived weak by our society and probably a lot more social injustices. Now, I’m not saying that you have to experience these things to become a woman but the main point is that you have to be more understanding and not belittle women and womanhood by saying that figuring out what to wear is the most strenuous woman hardship.

We are more than what we wear. We are more than the stereotypes people has come to impose to us and you, my dear Caitlyn, should always remember this. I have so much respect in you. You’ve come a long way to your journey and I can’t wait to see the progress ahead in you. You have so much power in your own way and I hope that you can navigate through your beliefs and principles that womanhood is way beyond the aesthetics and visual anticipations.

Thank you for your courage. I need you to hold on to that.

 

With much understanding,

Jaziree

 

That One Thing They Tell You Not To Do- DO IT!

Do it. Do volunteer.

I had my elementary days in a private Catholic school so the act of volunteering is actually pretty common to me. I was also a Girl Scout and I experienced going to outreach programs. My family also gives out unused clothes to people in our barangay and we also give extra food to our neighbors which we call “padigo” in our province.

In the context of now, in my university years, I’ve never actually done any volunteer project except for my final exam in English 11 last semester in which we went to a public school in Antipolo and did a story-telling with the students there. It’s not that I don’t want to be a part of a volunteer group or project, but it all comes down to time. Yep, it’s the inevitable problem. But in my little ways, I always put others before me and I always try to lend a hand. Taking for instance, I picked up an identification card at the jeep last last week. It was on the floor being stepped on. I actually looked at the people around me why the hell they weren’t picking up that up since it’s really visible. Anyway, I contacted the owner and he got it and he was so happy about it and he even said that he will always take care of it from now on. I was so happy because I made him happy. These little acts of goodness always bring out a sense of satisfaction. Seeing the person you helped smile because of what you did is more than enough reason to help another person. Now, I’m not convincing you to volunteer but I’m giving you a chance to do it. Just look at what Katniss Everdeen did for her sister, she volunteered to be a tribute for The Reaping instead of her because she dearly cares about her and what’s going to happen. It takes so much guts to help people but once you get the hang of it, you will feel triumphant in every thing that you do. Now, look to your side, do you see someone or even an animal in need of help? Be it in opening a bottle or in need of a paperclip? It’s your chance! This sense of volunteerism starts within you and hopefully, this will manifest in our community. I’m optimistic about it. So, what are you waiting for? Let us be the change.

 

Passion and Prejudice

In whatever context we consider, it can’t be helped but to acknowledge the presence of gender roles and gender stereotypes in our society. Well, we are humans and we are also surrounded by humans, thus, we are deeply influenced and involved with our fellow humans. In this involvement, we engage with socialization. I know we’re all familiar about this by now. In the way our parents brought us up to the way we share our candies to our playmates, they tell us how socialization works. Through this way, our gender roles are learned and fostered. We are often classified in only two groups namely male and female.

To refrain from lengthy discussions again regarding the terminologies, I’d just cut this brief and hopefully succinct.

I’ve been an Social Anthropology major before and I can say that the social differences and/or divisions between men and women were ‘natural.’ But newsflash everyone, we’re now in the 21st century. The LGBT community are our brothers, sisters and family. Barbie dolls are not only for girls and military toys are not only for boys. Pink is not only for girls and blue is not only for boys. Girls are also good in Math as much as boys are. Boys can also write well as much as a girls can. Girls do not deserve to be catcalled and perceived as weak. Boys do not deserve to be criticized when they do walk before a girl and be called “not a gentleman.” Girls have the freedom to be or not be a virgin. Girls and boys have the freedom to explore their sexuality.  Girls and boys can marry someone of their same sex orientation if they want to. The thing is, we have to be open-minded of the changes happening in our society right now. We should not let these classifications define our status and position in our lives. Gender roles and gender stereotypes are deeply ingrained in us, yes, but they are unjust and they just repress people which should not be the case because we are aiming for the progress of humanity here. It is your life. Control it and don’t let others hold the steering wheel for you. Do your passion and never let someone, not even your family, pull you down with their prejudices.

Be you. I wish you eternal happiness, reader.

Loud and Clear

“May pagasa ba ang Pilipinas?”

I admit I laughed upon hearing this question. Though it’s a close-ended one, it’s one of the hardest things to answer because we have to assess the realities happening in the Philippines and yep, I heard you sighing over there.

When we answered questions about our country having hope and future, my groupmates and I had a hard time coming up with a concrete answer so we ended up with a metaphysical one and added the word “ideally” in every thing that we answered. I realized how hard it is to be realistic in situations like this because if you are to be pragmatic, you’d probably say, “meh wala ng pagasa ang Pilipinas. Tinatanong pa ba ‘yan?” And I don’t want that. I want to have and continue to possess a sense of optimism for the Philippines, our beloved land.

We, Filipinos, have endured a lot. Typhoons, criticisms, land claiming issues, graft and corruption and surely many more. We have been broken into pieces yet we still remain whole. We have transcended resilience and flexibility into our compassionate and selfless ways of taking long, narrow and rugged strides in our lives. We are bombarded with different crises yet we still remain humorous and able to bounce back. These are just some of the reasons why I believe that there is still hope for the Philippines. But this also connotes a certain challenge. We all know that the elections are nearing. I hope each and everyone of us should choose the right (lesser evil?) candidate who really emphasizes HUMANITY and Filipinohood.

I’m not making this lengthy anymore but I hope I made my position loud and clear. There is still hope for the Philippines. We just have to work on it and be positive about it. We have to say our battle cry with conviction.We have to be united. I know I’m too idealistic but I can’t help it. I want our country to be better and it starts with you and me.

 

In What Capacity?

Getting here in the University of the Philippines is no easy, staying here is a hell of no easy either. People call us Iskolar ng Bayan (Scholar of the Nation) and I always get that sudden inexplicable delight whenever I hear that. Maybe it’s because of the prestige and the feeling of being special since having been admitted to UP is like an old granny putting a thread into the eye of the needle. It entails a lot of work to do and is extremely difficult.

Why am I saying all these stuff? I’ll spill a bean here. You probably have known this a long time but it took me some time for this thought to finally sink in. Being a scholar of the nation does not always mean the prestige, the hardwork, the “acad shits,” the late-night cramming, the organizations, the life balancing. It also means giving back our education for the betterment of the Philippines.. ideally. Yes. We are good citizens as that.

We were divided into groups and were posed with four simple yet thought-provoking questions and we had to share our insights there.

1. You are future leaders. In what capacity?

Personally, I think every person in this university will be a leader at some point in life. We are divergent. We come from different walks of life and we gather in one school. In this place, we are slowly honed into better individuals. It seriously tests our patience during enlistments. Can I please emphasize that I just sighed? It also tests our determination to get subjects during teachers’ prerogs. UP is an unending process of learning and enduring. Eventually, this set of skills we get can be translated into how we’ll lead in the near future. I just hope that whatever we learn from this school can also be taught to our brothers and sisters, especially those who are deprived of education.

2. I have excellence. In what capacity?

Excellence is all-encompassing. Again, it takes a lot being a UP student, perhaps, one is able to remain a UP student with excellence. A nice seed of thought to ponder on in this part is, it’s not really about being excellent, it’s about having excellence. We can have excellence by mastering our own fields and sharing what we know to other people instead of degrading them.

3. I am ready to give back to those that have funded my education. In what capacity?

Of course, as a scholar, it is my responsibility to have willingness to be of help to my fellow Filipinos and pay forward to the next generation, the new Millenials.

4. You are part of the solution. In what capacity?

Ideally, yes. But it is also hard to drop something about the future. It’s a lot harder again to alter the course of nature. If there is just one thing I could promise, it will be that I would always strive to be not passive and participate in things related to the development of the country especially our sense of nationalism. That is a hell of a task.

These are just some of the thoughts I battled with during our second meeting. Hopefully, I would be able to do what I’ve mentioned not only because I’m a scholar but because I’m a Filipino.

A Bundle of Questions

We are the Millenials, they say. We are the selfie generation, they say. We are the vainest generation yet the catalysts of change, they say. Well, what can I say? I agree on every thing mentioned but these labels tell much more about us than these superficial words.

During the first meeting of our NSTP class, we were bombarded with the question “Who are you?” I had mixed sentiments. Confusion. Curiosity. Checkmate. At this juncture of my life, I’ve never really thought about my “self.” I’ve never really thought about what I am doing in my life. Well, of course, except for those life episodes I have to deal with in my academic years because undeniably, they are highly inevitable. I’ve never really thought about where I am headed to. What am I going to be? A teacher? A writer? A lawyer? I don’t know. There was never a concrete answer and here’s the real deal: Whenever I look at the mirror, I do not only see myself now but I also see an existential question hopping out of me.

Before I lose myself into a labyrinth of identity assessment, I’d like to commend our teachers for making our first meeting extraordinarily memorable. I could see their passion in teaching in their way of bringing the verve to our class through games, songs and unique manner of familiarizing my classmates. It was so much fun that you’d want to say “bongga!” all the time.

Going back to that existential question, a “selfie cube” was made by us to further reflect on ourselves. This little cube, yes, a very tiny paper box, contains big part of ourselves, it had a trace of our identity. We wrote our full names, our nicknames, the stories behind those nicknames, the transition of our ambitions when we were young up until now, the words that immediately impress us and a lot more.

I realized a lot of things. I have long known that these nicknames people create for me are pieces of who I really am. The Jazz at home is someone who is too good to be true, the Jazzy at school with my friends is someone who laughs out loud and craves for attention, the Jaziree Mia De Castro is just someone who has all these qualities of all sorts. These names are already embedded in my life, my identity, in the people I get to meet every day. They are a part of me and will never be apart from me.

Those ambitions I had gradually changed over time. I once said I wanted to be a nurse just because my classmates told the same. I also said I wanted to be an astronaut just because it sounded cool. I even wanted to be an actress because, well, it’s self-explanatory. Who wouldn’t want fame and money? Now, I keep asking myself what I am going to be. While I’m typing these, I am actually visualizing myself in a trouser and skirt holding a set of papers on my hand, thicker than my English 103 readings, on my way to a court. I want to be a lawyer and at the same time a writer. I don’t have the willpower yet to conquer another battlefield but I do choose to believe that I can.

The first three-hour meeting, I was able to contemplate on these things:

I am a Millenial. I contribute at least one selfie to our selfie generation. I am vain enough to be a catalyst of change. I am a human being in this world, the universe rather, who chooses to bring a change for the betterment of all and sundry. I speak for the sanctuary of books, environment and the youth (basis of selfie cube). So, to my co-Millenials and to you reading this, will you take my hand and let’s change this fucked up place we live in? Let’s start by choosing wisely (and not pricey) on the upcoming elections.

(This is me by the way. So you’ll know how real I am behind these words.)

 

I’ll just drop these sentences to live by: The future is within us. The future is us.